Many years ago, sometime during high school, I set out to learn guitar. This was in the days before YouTube, so all I had to work with was an antique book of my dad’s. Utilizing that, and eventually the internet, I picked up four or five chords and was feeling pretty good about myself. E (or perhaps E minor, I forget which I learned first) was instantly my favorite. When I played it the sound just resonated with me. As time went on I would learn a couple of basic songs, but mostly I would just wing it, combining different cords to make up a tune. Often this revolved around E.
After a couple of decades I’m still at basically the same skill level that I attained in college. Sure my strumming has improved and I picked up a couple of tricks, but I’ve learned no more chords and still for the life of me cannot remember any actual songs. This has been a source of great frustration for me. I don’t like to fail, and it has bothered me to no end that my mastery never reached the level of others I know. Most guitar players can pick one up and play a favorite song or two, even those that know fewer cords than I do. The majority of my time with the guitar is spent simply playing the E chord, with variations thrown in by lifting one finger to make it E minor. I think it sounds pretty good, and I thoroughly enjoy jamming out in this way, but I definitely feel like a loser in regards to the guitar.
In recent years God has allowed me to see how this parallels my life. I’m a very thought-oriented person. Because of this, I tend to decide who\how I should be and then set out to make that happen. I will work tirelessly in pursuit of the course of action I believe to be best, and throw myself headlong against any obstacle that threatens it. To the great surprise of my adult self, that doesn’t always mean success. There are areas that I was certain were to be my primary focus but I’ve seen very little growth or success in them over the years. This is especially sad because I was doing them in service to God, for His Kingdom. However, there are areas I’ve completely ignored that have flourished without me even paying them direct attention. Those taken-for-granted skills and interests developed naturally despite being secondary in focus. It’s almost like I couldn’t help but be good in them. You might say they just resonated. And, funny enough, they also opened more opportunities to speak with people about Jesus than any of the areas I had tried to force open.
So, what am I trying to say? Follow your heart and be the truest version of yourself? No, that crap comes from Disney movies. Your heart is wickedly deceptive and can’t be trusted to steer itself (Jeremiah 17:9). What I am saying is that you were fearfully and wonderfully made by an infinitely wise God. Seek Him, be yourself, and let Him use it in mighty ways. Don’t feel like you have to pattern yourself after this pastor, or that leader, or some successful person. “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.” (Piper) Be satisfied in Him, content with the strengths and weaknesses He’s given you, and play your song. Even if you don’t know a “real” song like the cool kids.